Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
