If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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