so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
