covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
