just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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