I'm going to jail i love you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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