im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
