I think I won the penis lottery.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
