My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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