so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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