I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
