my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
