it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
