Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize