i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
