HIV tests are more positive than that guy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
