I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
