I am spending my child support on dildos
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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