You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
