I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
