it's like iHOP with fire
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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