At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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