She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
