I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nicole vs. Life
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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