Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it because I queefed?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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