Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
