Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize