I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
