i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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