tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
