My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
