I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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