i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
