"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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