this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
