she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize