So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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