Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you didnt know i had herpes?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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