my mouth tastes like poor choices
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How external is "for external use only"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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