why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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