ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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