I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
