Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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