my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
