As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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