There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
