im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
