i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
