Do you still have your period?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
