We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
