sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
