just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
