dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
