Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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