In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
