dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
