Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
