just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
