peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize