I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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