Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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