I wanna passion pit in your ass
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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