the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
