i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
