Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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