Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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