I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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