He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think your dad took our porno
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
