i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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