After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
